


Worst Nights

by demonpancake



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Christmas at Hogwarts, First Kiss, I Was Drunk When I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Lets just go with implied/referenced a lot of bad shit, M/M, Marauders, Poor surious, Sad with a Happy Ending, Young Remus Lupin, Young Sirius Black, get him a blanket
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-10-15 21:56:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17536997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonpancake/pseuds/demonpancake
Summary: Sirius can't face tomorrow.Remus can't fall asleep.





	Worst Nights

I couldn’t sleep. Not because of worrying like usual or emotions running high. Some intuition in the pit of my stomach told me that I needed to be present. I inspected the ceiling of the dorm. Nothing was different than any other sleepless night. Light snow fell outside as the rest of the tower lied well as comatose. The normal small sounds resonated like a tiny symphony in the echo of the room. There were Peter's quiet snores as his belly rose and fell like clockwork.  
There were James' little conversations with no one. He always talked in his sleep, often swearing like a sailor.  
There were the small sounds of the restless sleepers blankets rustling and owls calling each other in far off places.  
The night before the winter vacation was always this silent. Everyone exhausted from finals, ready to be home.  
One thing wasn’t right though, it had taken a while to notice but now it was all I heard.  
In the bunk below me, it was peaceful.  
Black was not a peaceful sleeper. Every hour or so the whole room could hear him moan, thrash or kick the wall. He would always cite a nightmare he couldn't remember as blame.  
The quiet could only mean one thing, he was awake too.  
Bored, I wondered if he would want to talk. I crept down the later to check the bed and found it empty, blankets twisted on the ground.  
I headed to the common room, where I assumed he'd be reading one of those books that he had read dozens of time over. He would get them from a friend who lived in the city.  
But the common room was empty, but for a dark cloaked figure sitting on the balcony. I put a coat on over my pajamas and decided to join him in the snow.  
He didn’t move when I opened the door. As I got closer I saw why, he was shaking slightly, the small sound of sobs barley traveling far enough to reach me. A flask his only company, sitting in the chair next to him.  
"Hi," I said, making him finally notice the new presence on the frozen deck. He grabbed the flask and held it out to me.  
"Want some? It’s the good shit," he said laughing a little through the tears, I couldn’t help laughing too.  
"Why not?" I grabbed it and took a swig. I quickly found that by good shit, he meant jäger. He always preferred muggle drugs and alcohol. Higher quality, he said. He had a stash hidden in the dorm with some rock cassettes. The wine was for celebrations, the jäger was not. "What happened to make you break into your stash?"  
"I can't go home man," he said a new wave of tears coming on, "I just gonna run away again. But this time all do better. I'm thinking Russia, I can thumb a ride if I'm lucky." I waited for him to laugh and reveal he was joking but his face looked joyless, dead.  
"Again?" I asked.  
"I tried a few years ago. Dear old dad figured I wouldn’t try again after what he did to me that time. I think if my mom hadn't stopped him he would have killed me. But now I'm older and I can plan it better."  
We sat in silence for a minute. I knew his relationship with his parents wasn’t good, but I never knew the extent.  
"Sirius," I started, "What are those nightmares really about?" He laughed a little,  
"You know the best horror stories are based in fact right? Well, it's even worse when it just plain old memories. I tough school was gonna be the end of all my problems, but now they just compress it all into summer and holiday break."  
"All of what?" I quickly caught myself and rambled, "it's okay if you don’t wanna talk about."  
"It’s fine," He replied. Serious grabbed the flask and chugged the rest of its contents. "Depends on their mood. When I was younger sometimes I could run but they are more careful now. My mom is where I get my stash, I steal it when she's too drunk or high to notice. OxyContin is her favorite right now, it used to be Percocet. She isn't too bad, run of the mill stuff mostly." The way he said it so casually made me shiver.  
"My dad is worse though, he prefers the other things, and…" he stopped and tried to take another drink, forgetting it was empty. "can't risk the ol' reputation."  
"It's okay, I think I get it," I said, seeing the pain in his eyes.  
"I guess based off the fact I'm not dead the options are limited," he joked sadly. He rummaged through his pockets and produced another flask, I had to laugh.  
"Which one is that," He shrugged and took a swig,  
"Absinth I think? All I know is it's strong." he laughed as I snatched it out of his hand.  
"I think you have had enough." he vainly tried to grab it back.  
"No, I haven't! Can't you tell, I'm still conscious."  
"Not for long if you keep going like this! This shit can kill you!"  
"Good, it'll save my parents time." He laughed as if it was a joke but it was all too real.  
"Stay with me this holiday, I'll hide you until after the break."  
"You're willing to face the dreaded Blacks for this sweet piece of ass." He struck a 'sexy pose'.  
"You can't be serious for a second can you?"  
"It's a curse."  
"Well, I'm not joking, if I know that you are going there and you don’t come back this time then it's just as much my fault as there's, you're coming home with me this holiday." Sirius leaned over and put his head in my lap.  
"Thanks." he said quietly, "I love you, Remus." He sat up a planted a kiss on my cheek before falling back down.  
"You aren't going to remember any of this is morning are you?" I said struggling not to laugh.  
"Oh please, you think a little vodka is enough to make me blackout? I'm much stronger than that."  
I didn’t doubt it. 

The next morning we woke up with a dusting of snow over our coats. Sirius' head was still in my lap as I had dozed off leaning back on the chair. By the sunrise, it was only about four thirty or five am so no one else was up yet. I stood up, knocking his head off of me to stretch my legs.  
"Rise and shine buttercup, let's sneak back in." He groaned loudly and rubbed his eyes. He rummaged through his pockets for a minute before magically producing yet another flask and taking a deep drink.  
"How many of those do you have!" I yelled shocked at his audacity to start drinking before 4 am.  
"Five I think. I cleaned out my stash since I'll be refilling them all today. Breakfast Hennessey is a Black family delicacy. Mix it with Xanax and I'm basically my mother." He took another sip, "To make it my dad you just need to add years of pent up anger and the inability to understand human emotion."  
"You're not refilling those because you're never going back there. And the only booze my family has are an old bottle of Chardonnay." He looked at me like I was an alien. His face went through a cycle of emotions ending on apathy.  
"Nope." He held up his hand to keep me from protesting and took a quick sip before starting. "You know I appreciate last night, but I know why you said it all, I understand. I have to go home or dear ol' dad will tear the world appear until he finds me and you're folks are not gonna be stuck in the middle of that.'  
"Why do you think I said it," I asked, my face a mask of true confusion.  
"You thought I was gonna jump." He said, calmly, as if pointing out that the sky was blue or the snow was white. "Don't feel bad or anything, I thought I was gonna jump too. I was all ready to do it before you showed up. I was draining my booze stash so I wouldn't feel it too much and I even had my cassette to listen to Stairway to Heaven one last time. I had been planning it for months. Why else would I be on the balcony?"  
Time stopped for a moment as I connected the obvious dots. He had come so close, I was so close to losing my… I couldn’t even finish a thought as white-hot fury swept through me like wildfire. I turned away. I heard the top of his flask clink against the body as Serious went for another swig. I turned on my heel, and swatted it out of his hand as the liquids spilled out on to the frozen ground. I took a deep breath as he looked at me with shock.  
"It can't end like this, you can’t leave this way. Next time I won't be there to stubble onto you we won't be this lucky." I paused, "It can't end like this."  
"It has to," he said softly, with a small shrug. "Would you rather my dad do it. Because I sure wouldn't." He looked defeated. I just couldn’t handle it. I went for the low blow.  
"Last night. You said you loved me. You may have been sloppy and tired but I know you meant it. Well, I love you too. And god motherfucking damnit if you think I'm just gonna let you fucking die on me you're wrong." Serious took a step towards me and looked up a little to meet my eyes. He gave a small smile.  
"You win damnit." Neither of us moved. I slowly came to realize that in a fit of protective rage I might have reviled a small secret. I vainly hoped he didn't notice. "So, you love me huh." His small smile replaced with his usual smirk. I had never been happier to see it. "Gosh, I sure hope you didn't mean some platonic shit or else this is gonna get awkward." My laugh was cut short when his Cognac flavored lips were on mine. The past was useless, the future uncertain but goddamnit we had this moment. And it felt pretty spectacular

**Author's Note:**

> Congratulations if you found a spelling or grammar error that was not to help the tone then you get 5 points!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed (and if not please still be nice).


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